MEMORIES OF VANILLA
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PART 1
Smoke filled the sports bar, while at a table sat our young heroine. A tumbler full of coca-cola sits in her hand as she looks around for the familiar face she is longing to see. As the front door opens to the Louisville bar, she sees him walk inside and a smile comes across her face and then behind him someone follows, someone who seems to be with him. That part of the bar is too dark at that moment for her to see, but whoever it is, is too tall to be any of his friends that she knows, except for one she knew about.
When the taller friend stepped into the light she felt her heart almost stop when she saw it was him. Derek Gaves, the man that broke her heart when she was twenty-one years old. The man she almost lost her virginity to, the man she begged back in a drunken stupor one night. Last time she had seen him, was the day she moved out of the dorms. Though she would never admit it, the night she saw him she had been worried as all hell. Clarissa had been in the room of a friend trying to get him to sleep off all the alcohol he had drank at a party earlier that evening.
As Paul, her fiancée came over to her, she downed what was left of her cola and went to the bar, and for the first time in five years ordered something besides a plain coke. “Rum and Coke, please.” She said as her heartbeat raced.
“Rum and Coke? Clarissa you never drink, you told me you drank so much in College that you were turned off it forever.” Paul said as his hands slid around her waist, and as he did she felt her stress level decline.
“I just feel like a drink, no biggie it has been four long years since I had one.” She told him as she flashed back to the last night she got drunk.
* * *
PART 2
A cold, rainy, Saturday night. She had just gotten back from another liquor run seeing that she was the only 21 years old many of these kids knew. Along with all the alcohol for minors she had gotten herself some vodka, the vanilla flavored stuff. She had said a few days ago no more drinking, but after being woken up at three-thirty in the morning by Derek and some stupid stoner to be told off for being a bitch to him she didn’t care anymore.
She opened the bottle of cherry coke and then the bottle of vodka, and poured in a good amount of vodka before mixing in some of the cherry coke. She made a huge batch of this and then stored it in her small mini-fridge. Just as she finished doing this, there was a knock on the door. When she opened it there was Derek. Her heartbeat went quickly with nervous anticipation. “Hi, you actually came to talk cause I’m not going down to the liquor store again tonight.”
“Issa!” He exclaimed, the only name he knew her by really. No one called her Clarissa it was either Rissa or Issa.
She sighed and looked at him as she closed the door and then leaned against the sink by her door before taking a sip of her drink. “What do you want to say Derek? Because right now if you are really ready, I will tell you what I really want to tell you, I will spill my guts to you right now and but you have to ask yourself do you really want to know how I, Issa feel about you?”
Derek sighed and walked toward Issa’s desk and sat down in the red plastic chair, “Issa, why do you hate me so much? Every time that your drunk you yell at me, tell me to go to hell or worst to fuck off. Yet you call out for me. What is going on?”
Issa ran her hands through her newly cut hair and looked at the man who meant so much to her that seeing him everyday and not being with him was tearing her apart. “Its my defense mechanism, so I don’t tell you how I really feel about you, so I don’t tell you how much I want to be with you, emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Before we broke up I was ready for us to sit down and talk about birth control methods besides the condoms I have sitting in that tin by my bed. I was ready to lose my virginity to you. That’s how much I care about you. Yes I said care not cared. And the poem, that I wrote after I saw you with your new gal pal. Something I didn’t really need to see or know about right now.” Her eyes were burning with salty tears she tried to suppress. “Happy now Derek?”
* * *
PART 3
“Clarissa?” Paul asked as he saw her slip into the far away night. “Sweetie, are you okay?”
“Yeah I just spaced out for a moment, so who’s your friend?” She asked as Derek walked over, “I saw you two come in together and he’s too tall to be any one I know.”
“Oh this is one of my best friends from high school, you didn’t know him then? Derek, come on over and meet my future wife Clarissa.” Paul said waving Derek over and Clarissa felt her heart beating like a train was about to crash into her.
“Hey Paul!” Derek said as he looked at Clarissa. Something about her looked familiar, something in the eyes, sort of reminded him of Issa, the first girl he dated in College. He hadn’t thought of Issa well since this afternoon when he was unpacking his things and found the poem’s she had given him. One so angry he never understood why she had written it or given it to him, or more importantly why he even kept it. The other was about the night they first met, the night it all started. Besides Issa was always on his mind, nothing could keep her out of it.
Clarissa gave Derek a polite nod as she took a sip of her first alcoholic beverage since the last time she had seen him. “Isn’t she amazing Derek? She’s one of the top sales directors for Elsie Jane Cosmetics, and she’s also the producer of Wake Up Boulder. She graduated in the top ten percent of her class at Fort Lewis College.”
Clarissa could feel the ideas building in Derek’s head, Elsie Jane Cosmetics, working in Television, and FLC, Derek was going to figure out who she was and he would figure it out quickly.
“Really, Elsie Jane Cosmetics, I once dated this girl that sold that stuff, no offense but that company is so degrading to women. Gosh, I haven’t thought about her in a very long time.” He said lying knowing Issa was always a fresh thought in his mind.
Clarissa bit her tongue and took a long sip of her Rum and Coke before putting the drink down, “Yes well not everyone thinks that Elsie Jane is a terrible company, it empowers women. Paul and My wedding will be the grandest affair to hit the county in at least five years, all because of Elsie Jane.” She said as she heard the one song on the jukebox that could just kill her.
The look on Derek’s face changed as he heard the song, “This night is getting weird, this is the second thing to remind me of her tonight. She was a theater buff, maybe you knew her, she and I went to FLC to. Her name was Issa Houston.”
“Sorry I don’t recall a Issa Houston.” Clarissa said as she rubbed Paul’s back knowing he had no idea what was going on.
“I’m sorry what was your name again?” Derek asked.
“Clarissa Reynolds, soon to be Clarissa Reynolds-Carlton.” She said with a smile on her face.
“Issa never mentioned a Clarissa, but she and I did only date for a month.”
“Yes well one moment is all it takes to fall in love, all it takes is that one special moment where your heart fills up with joy and before you know it you don’t know what happened. If you’ll excuse me I need to go and try to convince Chad to remove this song from the jukebox. A girl can only think about silly skater boys for so long. Excuse me.” She said taking her drink and returning to the bar.
Derek looked at her walk away and then to his friend, “She’s defiantly different Paul, when did you two meet again?”
“Actually we met in High School.”
“She went to Centaurus with us?” Derek asked trying to place her face with anyone he knew from high school.
“Yeah, she did. I guess you two never crossed paths, anyways she gets sensitive about that stupid song Sk8er Boi, she apparently dated one in college who broke her heart big time. Ya know its weird, she’s actually having alcohol tonight, and she never drinks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before in the two years we’ve been together.”
“Why choose tonight to start drinking?”
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be so curious. But she didn’t drink back in high school either, but she told me once she drank a lot in college.” Paul explained.
“Well sweetie, I’m back.” She said as she put her arm around Paul’s waist and kissed his cheek, “Chad said he might actually get rid of that dreadful song.”
“Sweetie, what’s with the Rum tonight, I thought you didn’t drink.”
“Oh, I just felt like a change, besides its just rum, not vanilla vodka or anything.” She said and then saw Derek’s jaw drop.
“Well I need to go call the office and check on the project they’re working on tonight.” Paul said before leaving and then Clarissa sat down at the table.
“So you went to FLC, what Residence Hall did you live in?” She asked knowing the answer as she finished her drink.
“I lived in Camp Dick, the all boys hall before moving into Cooper Hall second semester and then the apartments the rest of my time there. What about you? I know FLC isn’t a huge school we must’ve seen each other.” He said watching her, and letting the puzzle pieces he had start to fit into place.
“I was a Palmer girl, and Cooper girl my second year there then off campus my last year there before moving to Dallas for a year and then back up here to Boulder.”
“Vanilla Vodka, Palmer, Cooper, Elsie Jane Cosmetics, you do know Issa Houston, don’t you? You are Issa Houston.” Derek said.
She stood up and went to the bar and got another rum and coke before sitting down, “So what if I was Issa Houston, what should it matter to you Derek Gaves? Last time I spoke to you I spilled my heart out to you and you didn’t give a damn. Of course waking me up in the middle of the night the night before and having that stoner chick go off on me wasn’t much better either. Let’s just not mention this to Paul, its better he not know about this, I would hate to break his heart.”
“How did you end up with Paul?” Derek asked trying to remain calm, how dare she tell him he didn’t give a damn about her feelings for him.
“I ran into Paul one day at a Centaurus football game for homecoming the year I came back up here. He and I started talking, then started to hang out together and within a month we were dating and within two more months we were committed to each other, and then last month he took me out to my favorite place here in the county and proposed to me.” She said as she lifted her left hand to let him admire the gold and peridot ring. “He even got me a ring with my birthstone from JC Keepsakes at Flatirons.”
“Paul is going to marry Issa. I never would’ve thought of this.” Derek said.
“Correction, Paul is marrying Clarissa, I’m not the person you were with or knew in College. I’m a lot more together with my life.” She said taking a long sip of her drink.
“And that’s why your already on your second rum and coke?” he asked.
“I know how to handle myself drunk, I didn’t hit on you the last time I was drunk or yell at you, I just went and passed out on my bed alone.”
“No, you didn’t Jack and I took care of you that night.” Derek insisted.
“Wrong, the night we last talked I got drunk off my ass and went to bed.” Clarissa in formed the former beau just as Paul was coming back from the phone bank.
“How are you two getting along?” Paul asked as he sat down.
“Just peachy keen.” Clarissa informed him, with only a slight, subtle bitterness in her voice.
“That’s good, I hate to run sweetheart, but Davis just screwed up and I have to get this fixed before its too late.” Paul said as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“I understand, I’ll probably go home in a few minutes myself.” She said keeping her eyes on Paul and away from Derek.
“Then could you give Derek a ride home, I drove over.”
Clarissa closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “Sure, anything for you sweetie.”
Paul kissed her check and then left, not knowing that he was leaving two old flames alone together, and both had a side of the story the other didn’t know or understand.
Clarissa finished her drink and looked at him, “Mind if we stop by a liquor store on the way home. I need to get some cooking wine.” She said as she got up.
“Are you sure your okay to drive?” He asked her.
“Derek, I’ve been a lot more fucked up then I am right now. You’ve seen me a lot more fucked up then I am right now. I’m not even tipsy for Christ sake.” She said defensively as she placed several dollars down on the table. “So you ready to go or not?”
“Yeah I’m ready, I’m over in Rock Creek, hope that’s not too far out of your drive.”
“Let me guess the Horizons right?”
“Yeah how did you know?”
“If you’re in Prairies End, this is going to start getting me really creped out.”
“Building 1 apartment 102.” He said as he looked over at her.
“So you’re the new neighbor that moved in earlier today. I’m in apartment 101, same one I lived in during high school, when I didn’tknow you.”
“Its got to be better then when I moved in down the hall from you after we broke up.” He said.
“Didn’t you notice I ignored you after that last night?” She asked as she walked towards the door.
“Yeah I did and it broke my heart Issa.” He said.
“Its Clarissa, the Issa you knew died that night at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.” She informed him.
“Um, yeah.” Was all that Derek could say as he looked at Clarissa, she looked so different now.
No longer a tom-boyish girl who sold Elsie Jane cosmetics, but a sophisticated woman. Her brown hair pulled away from her face into a French twist, her red sweater accented with a black and red scarf. Her make up, perfect as always. How could this be Issa, how could this be the woman he was connected with immediately four years ago, when they just met and she humored him.
* * *
PART 4
Derek was sitting in a hard plastic chair next to Danny’s desk. Danny was on his bed, with Cassie who was at the moment very drunk, and on Don’s bed was Carter from across the hall. The group of them talking, the door open and quite hours having started a long time ago. The door from across the hall opened and Issa walked across the hall, “Hey guys, just thought I would stop in before going to bed.”
“You can’t go to bed yet.” Derek told this girl he had never seen before.
“I have a French quiz in the morning and it is late.” Issa told him before shooting Danny a confused look.
“Issa, this is Derek, Derek this is Issa, she lives down the hall.”
“Nice to meet you, but like I said I should go to bed.”
“Come on stay up, sit down talk with us.” He said.
“Okay, just for a few minutes then.” She told him as she went to sit down and couldn’t find a seat.
“Here, sit on my lap.” Derek said.
“Are you sure?” Issa asked as she started looking for someplace else to sit.
“Yeah I am.” Derek said as he pulled her onto his lap.
“Okay then.” She said, a bit confused as to how this was all happening.
While they were sitting there one of the others in the room asked where Derek was from and he simply said, “Boulder.”
In Issa’s mind she could figure Fairview or Boulder High, but then he said something really weird, “I went to Centaurus.”
“No way, so did I, class of 2000.” She said as she looked at the guy whose lap she was sitting on.
“Really? Who did you know?”
“Um Jenny Frank, Paul Carlton, people in that group.”
“You know Paul? How did we never meet? He’s my best friend.” Derek said.
“No way, he and I almost went out senior year, until he decided to date Alice instead.”
Derek looked away, “Sorry about that, I introduced them.”
* * *
PART 5
“Derek, come on lets go.” Clarissa said as she saw him drifting off into space. “I would like to get back to Superior before the town curfew and all the teenagers get back home.”
“Yeah I’m coming sorry I spaced there for a minute.” Derek said as he got up and looked down at Clarissa, he still towered over her, by being more then a foot taller, though now she had high heels so it wasn’t as bad as it had been before.
Derek watched her as they left the bar and then walked out into the cold Colorado air, once outside she opened her purse and took out a small plastic container, which looked familiar, and he knew what she was doing. “You still like your lip gloss don’t you?”
“Yeah I do, and Paul has no problem with me kissing him when it’s on.” She said in a matter of fact tone in her voice.
Derek rolled his eyes thinking of all the times she tried to kiss him with it on.
* * *
PART 6
“Hi Sweetie!” Issa said when Derek walked up to her and hugged her. A smile sweeping across her face before she leaned in and kissed him.
After they kissed he pulled away, “Yuck! Lip gloss, Issa!”
“Oops, I forgot I had it on, I put it on like an hour or so ago.” She told him as they held on to each other.
“Its okay.” He said before leaning down to kiss her before stopping, “Not until that’s off though.”
“Okay, I can live with that.” She said with a soft smile.
* * *
PART 7
Clarissa walked into the Liquor store and took a deep breath as she looked around. She hadn’t been in one since college, all those crazy nights, joking with the clerk about how often she came in. She went and got the bottle of cooking wine she needed and as she walked towards the counter she went through the vodka isle and stopped when she saw a bottle of Smirnoff twist, vanilla vodka. She nervously licked her lips and picked up the bottle before checking out. With both bottles in her brown paper bag she got back in the car.
“Got your cooking wine?” Derek asked.
“Yeah, I did.” She said as she started the car up. “Ready to go back to your lonely apartment?”
“Ouch, Issa is getting bitchy.” He said defensively.
“It’s Clarissa.” She corrected him, “Never call me Issa ever again.”
“Yes Ma’am, I’ll try to remember to call you Clarissa.” He said as she started to leave the parking lot and drive down Rock Creek Parkway towards the apartment complex in which they both lived.
She pulled into the complex and hit the garage door opener that was sitting on the visor of her lilac colored Pontiac. As she pulled into the garage she let out a sigh, “Well here we are.” She said as she turned the car off and grabbed the bag and got out. After Derek closed his door she hit the lock button and then they left the garage and around to there respective doors. “Night Derek, its been an interesting evening.” She said as she took out her keys.
Derek looked at her for a long moment as she walked to her door and unlocked it. Once she was inside he took out his keys and went into his apartment. As he looked around at the boxes that were left packed he went over to the one that had made him think of her earlier that day and took out the bracelet she had made for him after there first wonderful day together, and that she had cut off after they had been broken up for two weeks and threw at him.
“How did we not get back together Issa?” He asked himself aloud and he went and looked at the poem again. “I never wanted for us to break up, yet we did.”
He went over to the fridge and took out a bottle of beer and took a long, slow staggering drink from it. When he took the bottle from his lips he looked towards the wall he shared with Clarissa, and longed to go and talk to her.
Meanwhile, just through the wall, Clarissa sat in her kitchen, a bottle of cherry coke open and half gone as she had in the past ten minutes already taken four pulls of the vanilla vodka she bought only a little while before. She looked at the clear glass bottle and saw that the four pulls she had taken were almost at the twist of the glass, one more maybe two and she would be there. Just as she was about to take another drink someone knocked on her door. She put the bottle in the metal sink and then grabbed the cherry coke and went to the door.
As the door opened she took a long drink of her coke which when she saw Derek standing on the other end, immediately was spit out, all over him in a gust of cola. “What the hell are you doing here, and I’m sorry.” She said feeling the vodka’s effect start to take place.
“Clarissa, are you alright?” He asked as she looked at her and saw her pull out several paper towels and hand them to him, “thanks.”
“Yeah, I’m peachy keen jelly bean.” She told him as she went and sat down on the stool and took another drink of her cola. “So, Mr. Gaves what can I do for you this lovely evening?”
“I want us to talk Issa, and I don’t care what you say about not calling you that name, that’s who you are, that’s who you will always be to me.” He said as he came into the apartment.
“What the hell do you care? I haven’t seen you in several years and now, now you give a fuck?” She asked angrily, as her voice got louder.
“Whoa, Issa take a deep breath and relax.” He said as he looked at her and then he saw the bottle sitting in her sink. “Vodka, Vanilla Vodka huh? Is this how your going to deal with life when you and Paul fight?”
She shook her head and went and took the bottle out of the sink, “I need it to deal with you and all your fucked up bull shit. My life was going so fucking good and you fall into it AGAIN! Paul and I are getting married in three weeks, and you had to come back. The one guy I’ve dated that I never fully got over. The one guy that no matter how much I wanted to forget your face, to forget your kisses, to forget your touches, your strength, I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. Why is it when life is going fine, I’m on track and you show up? It happened in college when all I did was go to say goodnight to Derwin and Carter, and then tonight all I was doing was waiting for my fiancée at the bar we hang out at three times a week. Who the hell are you to walk into my life any damn time you want to?”
“Me, walk into your life? What about you showing up in mine? You think I expected to meet you while I was in Derwin’s room that night with that girl?”
“Cassie, her name was Cassie, she was your friend remember?”
“Yes I remember.” He said bitterness starting to fill his voice, “and I defiantly didn’t expect to see you ever again. What happened to Dallas or California, what about creating your own soap opera?”
“I’m in charge of the number one morning show in the state, on a brand new affiliate in Boulder. I’m a top sales director for Elsie Jane Cosmetics, I’m marrying the greatest guy in the world, I have a 200 page outline for a soap opera that’s getting shopped around New York and Los Angeles, I’m on top of the world Derek, but you had to show up.”
“Hey, I never thought I would see you again, I came to Boulder thinking hey I’ll reconnect with my best friend Paul, meet this great girl named Clarissa that he’s engaged to and go on from there. I have a great job working in Boulder. But I had a life in Durango to that I left and I had to escape because one thing was haunting me there. You were everywhere I went for the past four years. I couldn’t go to the theatre without seeing you or feeling as though you were next to me. I couldn’t go down to the Durango Diner without thinking about how much you loved it there, or drive past the liquor store with out recalling how the guys behind the counter knew you, expected to see you. I couldn’t go to the chapel without thinking about how excited you were to show me your favorite spot on campus the night that we met, with out thinking about how whenever you got really upset that’s where you went, that’s where you cried, that’s where you would think and write poetry. You haunted that campus for me, and no other girl I dated could erase your memory no matter how much I wanted it to.” He confessed as she looked at him with a dizzy and confused expression across her face.
“Why did we let everyone around us dictate how our relationship should go huh? We let everyone mess with our heads to the point where the only option we had was to break up when guess what Derek, I never wanted to, yes I could get annoyed with you at times but I must have annoyed you at times to but for us to break up, some times I thought that had been the worst thing we could do.” She said as she got up and almost fell off the stool as she grabbed hold of the counter, “oh shit, I drank way too much.”
“Issa!” He said as he caught her in his arms.
“I’m going to be sick.” She said as she wrestled her way out of his arms and started down the narrow hall towards the guest bathroom she had. Once inside her body hugged the toilet, afraid to let go knowing that as everything around her blurred she was going to vomit. A low chuckle escaped her mouth, “At least this time I don’t have people telling me to focus on Jack’s porn he had on his bathroom wall.”
“You’ll be alright Issa, I promise, its just been a long time since you had a drink, your body is in shock.” He told her, hoping this would make her feel better as he ran a mint green wash cloth under the icy water that always seemed to come from the sink.
Derek moved next to her, rubbing her back slightly. At least she wasn’t yelling at him this time, at least not yet. It was as though she had kept it all bottled up inside of her for all these years, never letting on to how much it really hurt her besides the occasional bitchy comment.
“You never gave me my bra back.” She told him as she took the washcloth from him.
“From Halloween all those years ago?” He asked as she moved away from the toilet and leaned against the wall.
“Yeah from back then, it was my only purple bra.” A soft smile on her lips and she had her eyes closed.
“Yeah well you never gave me those pictures.” He said as he watched her.
“I still have the files on CD somewhere. I have the pictures in my scrapbook.” She said as she moved back over to the toilet before her stomach gave out on her and she released the tension from her stomach.
When she was done she sat up and Derek took the washcloth from her and wiped her face, “Feeling any better Issa?”
“I told you its Clarissa now Derek.”
“We’ll worry about that in the morning, how about we get you into bed.”
“This is why I stopped the major drinking. At least no yelling at you.” She said as she stood up, flushing the toilet as she did so and then leaning against the wall.
Derek got up and grabbed a hold of her waist and helped her out of the bathroom and then helped her to her bedroom. Clarissa sat down on her queen sized bed and then fell back against a large pile of pillows. Derek couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw some of the pillows had been from her dorm room in college.
“Derek,” Clarissa asked as she curled up in a fetal position, “do you know how much it hurt to see you all the time after we broke up? I was falling for you really hard and that was scaring the hell out of me. I just kinda wish that we had been able to sort everything out, instead of all the drama we went through.”
“I know Issa, trust me I know more then you’ll ever realize.” He told her in an almost whisper of a voice as he pulled a afghan up around her. When he took a step back he realized that had been the one she was working on when they were dating.
Clarissa reached out for one of the stuffed animal’s also on the bed and once it was enclosed against her body, she started to drift to sleep.
Once Derek was sure she was asleep he left her there and went back to his own apartment.
* * *
PART 8
Derek is moving in almost directly across the hall from Issa, just a day before winter break. Her door had been closed for several hours, when it was normally wide open this time of day. He was aching to talk to her, perhaps it was the holiday season or perhaps he was starting to miss her. That week for thanksgiving had been torture when he saw her at the mall and she introduced herself as one of Rick’s high school friends. But when she pretended not to know him that ripped his heart out. He could almost physically feel her push her hand through his chest, pull out his beating heart and toss it on the stone floor of the Flatiron’s mall and stomp on it with the heel of her tall boots.
Now for the rest of the semester he would be across the hall from her, wanting her back and if any guy left her room that wasn’t a regular she supplied with alcohol then he would be jealous as he had been since the break up, only he hid it a hell of a lot better then she did. Now as Darwin’s roommate and best friend moved out, he moved in, hell anything was better then camp dick, except he never saw her there. As he left the room to go and get more of his things, he heard her door open, and she walked out—with another guy. He had seen this guy a few times around campus, in fact if he recalled correctly this guy had been in the play that she had gotten everyone to go see, including him. They were friends, that was all, but then Derek saw the one thing he didn’t need to see. This guy from the play leaned over and kissed Issa in the middle of the hallway.
Before Issa could see him, he darted into his new room and shut the door. So that’s why she’d been so disconnected from everyone lately, she was dating someone new.
* * *
PART 9
Derek re-entered his lonely apartment and immediately went to his bedroom and flopped down on the bed. This past evening had not been what he anticipated at all. And now after seeing Issa sick and drunk he didn’t know what to do. He had always thought that if he saw her again, he’d have her back, he would be in her heart again, and he could look into her brown eyes and see what he saw all those years ago. The memory of her from four years before was burned in his mind and now it was even worst as he tried to fall asleep knowing she was so close.
This had been so much easier back in college. When they got back from winter break there classes conflicted or she was off at work, or doing something for the campus community, hell she was probably off with that theatre guy. Or maybe Derek had just been too damn stoned to know what was going on really back then. He did sort of remember one night in February that made very little sense.
The hallways were covered with cheesy decorations that the RHA for the building had put up to brighten up the building. It was a Friday night so everyone would be partying. Derek was walking to his room and saw that Issa already had several messages for her to go and find some people, including one from his latest ex-girlfriend who he knew she wouldn’t go find all the way in the all girls building. As he started to unlock his door he saw hers open and she came out in her pajama’s. A strange site considering it was only six pm.
“Issa?” He said as she ignored him and took her trash outside.
He shook his head, she refused to talk to him, or even look at him now. Yet she left her door open and he traveled inside and looked at the room he once knew so well. It was completely different now, her roommate having left at semester. Sitting on one of the desks was a piece of paper and on top he saw Dear Issa written followed by a ton of words and what looked like a couple of tear stains. Just as he was about to leave she came in.
“What the hell are you doing in here Derek?” She demanded to know, actually acknowledging his existence for the first time since before thanksgiving break.
“I came looking for you and the door was open so I thought I would wait for you to come back.” He rationalized.
She shook her head, “I’ve already gone. In fact I need to go and shower so I can go and party with Matt tonight.”
“What about that guy you’ve been dating?” he asked as she closed her door.
“You mean Jerry? We’re over, at least he’s not an asshole about it. He and I just realized that we have too much going on to be together. I’ve got the play opening in a few weeks and he’s busy getting some of his psychology minor done. I’ve also got a lot to do with RHA, and the blanket program. But Jerry is a good guy, he really loves me, unlike some ex-boyfriends.” She said before she knew what she was saying.
Derek couldn’t tell her how he felt, defiantly not now, maybe if she was still with Jerry but not right after he dumped her.
“Derek, will you just go away. I don’t want to see you right now.”
He got up and looked at her, her hair pulled back in short pig tails, her glasses slipping down her face and her arms across her chest. He reached over towards her and pushed her glasses up lightly and then did the one thing he probably shouldn’t have done, he leaned down and kissed her deeply, holding her close to him and then feeling her arms wrap around him, most likely a reaction to his touch, not the need to be with him.
The next thing that Derek knew was that they were laying on one of the beds, his hands moving to take her top off as she did the same to him. There lips like magnets so strong almost nothing was tearing them apart. Then as Derek removed Issa’s top she pulled back, grabbed her top, and put it back on before looking at him coldly, “leave please Derek, not like this never like this.”
Derek got up and left, as he stood at the door he turned and looked back as he put his shirt on and then left her room.
* * *
PART 10
The early morning sun broke in through the blinds in Derek’s apartment stirring him from the daze he was already in. He looked over at his alarm clock and shook his head. He got up and walked around his bedroom, and then went into the living room and saw his memorabilia of Issa sitting on his dining room table. If he had slept that night he could’ve said that seeing her, taking care of her was all a crazy dream. But the sandman never came to Derek that night, memories of the past haunted his mind.
He got off his bed and went and took a long hot shower, and then went on put on a pair of Khaki pants and a white button down shirt before grabbing a tie from the closet. Once he was done dressing he went into the kitchen but then realized he had nothing to eat. He grabbed his car keys and got into his big car and drove up to the coffee shop and picked up two cups of coffee and then some pastries. He then went back to the complex and instead of going to his apartment he knocked on Clarissa’s door.
Immediately afterwards Clarissa swung the door open in an angry fit and she looked at Derek as she tightened her royal purple robe around her body, “What are you doing here?” She asked with a hand on her head.
“French Vanilla Coffee, and a chocolate chip scone?” he asked as he looked at her, with a tentative smile on his face.
“Why are you so dressed up?” She asked as she let him into her apartment.
“I have to go to work, shouldn’t you be there for Wake Up Boulder?”
“I called in and told them I would be late, I was just about to go and get ready. What’s with the French Vanilla Coffee?” She asked as she held her robe closed over her chest.
“You do like that don’t you?” he asked a little worried he had forgotten.
“No, its my favorite, I’m surprised you even know.” She said as she sat down on one of her stools.
“I remember you getting teased about your apparent obsession with Vanilla flavors.”
“I guess so, Vodka, Coke, and Coffee. You might never believe all the chocolate I have stashed in the cabinets.” She said with a smile as he set the coffee and scones on the counter and then handed her one of each.
“So um how hung over are you?” he asked trying to put it as lightly as possible.
“I took some Excedrin and drank all of the water from that bottle.” She said pointing to the liter-sized bottle next to the sink. “So I’m not too bad right now, thanks though for staying with me last night when I got sick. You really didn’t need to do that.”
“Yeah well, I kind of felt responsible, seeing that I got you drinking last night.” He said before taking a sip of his coffee.
“Yeah well, I was nervous and used it to relax, and then later to forget about your BS. That’s what I did in college to. Especially right before we broke up, you remember that I was drunk three nights in a row, though you only saw me two of them, and then after we broke up.” She told him as she tore off a piece of her scone.
“Yeah well I was stoned half the time so, yeah.” He said before breaking off a piece of his scone.
“Yes well if you were hanging out with Danny you weren’t and I was grateful for that, really I was.”
“That’s a surprise considering you pretty much treated me like I was invisible. Why was that?”
A slight chuckle escaped her mouth as she looked up at him, “You really never knew huh? Derek, I was still crazy about you, as much as I wanted to be over you, it wasn’t happening at all. I dated a guy who I had been crushing on for a year before I met you and still wasn’t over you. That Valentines night when you came into my room and I stopped us, I didn’t want us to stop, but I didn’t want us to be like that either. I ached to be back with you Derek, seeing you in pain or stressed out, killed me. Not talking to you tore my heart apart.” She confessed, after the years she had kept it hidden. “But none of that matters now. We’re different people so, we live in different worlds, which just happened to collide one crazy Wednesday night, okay a couple crazy Wednesday nights.”
“Yeah Wednesday’s really seemed to be our crazy night, for as long as we were around each other.” He said before taking a long sip of his coffee.
“Well we can just add another one for the history books. Also could we keep our past, past and not let Paul know about it unless we have to. Which I see no reason to happen.”
“Yeah don’t worry I won’t say a thing to Paul about us, or about your wild party nights in College.”
“I wasn’t that wild, I was a good girl I went to Mass every Sunday night.”
“Yeah after we broke up.”
“I needed to repent for my sins.” She said as she stood up. “I really need to get ready for work, I’m sure I’ll run into you again later.”
“Yeah, I need to go.” He said as he took his scone and Coffee, “Issa, I’m sorry about everything, more then you’ll ever know.”
“I know you are Derek, life then was just hectic. Neither of us really knew what we wanted, and we’re older, wiser, for the most part smarter so hopefully now we have the dream of what we want, who we want, and where we want to be.”
* * *
PART 11
A warm spring breeze has set across the campus of Fort Lewis College as the apple trees blossom with pink and white flowers. The grass on the quad is a dry, unhealthy yellow color, but perfect for the trample of students that have been hanging out on the quad. Near the middle of the quad, closest to Cooper hall, sits Issa on a blanket with a guy. She has a notebook open and she appears to be reading aloud. On another part of the quad is Derek, who just then is walking through the pathway between Camp/Snyder and Crofton, his backpack loaded down with books. As he walks towards the lobby of Cooper he stops when he sees Issa. She had been hiding from him since Valentines Day, or maybe she had just moved on to a new guy. For a girl that was on her third boyfriend for the year, she put on a good innocent act.
“As the sun set tears dry away // My heart beats with anticipation.” Issa spoke, as she read from her notebook to her companion.
Derek sighed deeply, as he remembered the poem she read to him, and then he thought of the other poem’s, the one she had given him in a letter, and another in what he assumed was a passionate jealous anger, though he was never really sure. He took another look at her and then went inside the building.
* * *
PART 12
Clarissa walked into the Television studio and took off her sunglasses as she walked towards the sound stage for Wake up Boulder. As she ventured towards the door she heard her name called out, “Miss Reynolds, wait just a moment.”
Clarissa stopped and turned as she saw her assistant Edna running towards her. “What is it Edna?”
“Oh Clarissa, it has been such an insane day already! Conrad the weather man wore a bright green tie and refuses to take it off even though when he does the forecast his tie shows the map.” Edna exclaimed as she ran towards her boss, and stopped in a sudden movement before running Clarissa over.
“It’ll be alright Edna, every show needs to have a blooper reel and this will be part of ours.” Explained Clarissa as she put her hand on the door, “Anything else I should know?”
“Yeah, You’ve had three deliveries of flowers this morning. Two of Williamina Carnations and one of red roses. The roses are from Paul, which is what he sends you every week, but the carnations, the card just said DG. What should I do Clarissa?”
Clarissa absorbed the information Edna had just given her. “W-Williamina Carnations? You mean tangerine carnations?” she asked, shock evident in her voice no one ever called the Williamina Carnations except for her, a term she had learned from her mother shortly after the death of her great-grandfather whom she was told created the Williamina carnation in honor of her great-grandmother.
“Yeah, whatever, the card called them that. So yeah who’s DG?” Edna asked.
Clarissa looked at her assistant, “Just an old friend, who has confused me since the day we met. He just sort of popped up last night and I have a feeling, things are about to get way worst then I could’ve anticipated.”
* * *
PART 13
Issa walked down the stairs of the CUB to the book store, a pile of books in her arms as she saw the long line of people. A depressed sigh escaped her lips as she got in the line to sell her books back. Once she was done she put the money she had received in her purse and went into the sub-CUB and got lunch. As she was sitting at a table she saw Derek in line outside.
Her eyes were glued to him, she didn’t know why since she hadn’t looked at him in months, not since that night. Jerry was still in her life, but now only as a friend and Mike her most recent beau and she were on the rocks. She shook her head as she took a sip of her vanilla coke and thought of how she had gotten here.
At the start of the semester life was normal, okay not normal but still relatively sane. Then one night she met a guy and that changed everything. They had, for the most part an amazing month together and she wouldn’t give it up for anything, but yet she did. She had been the one to dump him. She was the one that on the way to Denny’s said, “I think we need to break up”. For the first several weeks she had wished there was a way to take it back, but Derek had left her high and dry. Every time he promised to talk to her about something from the night they broke up, he never showed up.
She shook her head to snap out of her daze as Mike came in and sat across from her, “So you really want to stay here for the summer?” he asked her.
“Yeah I do Mike, I want to get some more credits done so I can graduate sooner. Besides I have a good job in the housing department this summer. Which is good since I will be an RA next year and I’d like to stay in their good graces.” She explained.
“So no chance at all I can get you to come with me to Mexico this summer to work at that resort then huh?” he asked giving her a pleading look.
She took his hand in hers, “Mike, I think a summer apart will be good for us, also if I weren’t here in Durango, I would go back to Superior which is just going to mean working at the Mall in Broomfield. I wouldn’t be with you in Mexico. I’m sorry.”
“Your right, its for the best. I’m going to miss you like crazy though this summer. But when I get back for the fall semester I’ll defiantly make it up to you babe.” He said to her before kissing her hand.
A smile crossed Issa’s face, and it was then that Derek walked into the sub-CUB with Jack and Lyle. Jack ran over to Issa and broke up the conversation she was having with Mike.
“Issa! You are so not going to believe what just happened.” Jack said as he looked at her and then at Mike, “Who are you man?”
Issa rolled her eyes and motioned for Mike to ignore Jack’s comment, “What just happened?”
“The RA from the hall below ours just got busted for selling weed in the building.”
Issa started to laugh, “He got busted on finals week? What the hell, or rather how the hell?”
“In the words of Carter, ‘I don’t know man’. But I think the campus cops have been after him for a while.”
“Yeah, it looked like a sting operation or something like that.” Derek said allowing himself into the conversation, and forcing himself into Issa’s world.
“Interesting, well guys I gotta run, I have a study group for my psych final. I’ll see you all tonight for our final movie night.” She said as she got up, kissed Mike on the forehead and left.
* * *
PART 14
Clarissa knocked on Derek’s door and was still knocking when he opened it. “Derek, why on earth did you send me two dozen carnations today?”
“I thought they could brighten up your day, considering the night you had on a count of me.” He explained as he looked at her, keeping the door open only as much as it needed to be.
“Thank you, but Derek remember I’m engaged to Paul your best friend from High School. How do you think he would feel if he knew you sent me flowers, one of my favorite flowers, and all he did was send me a dozen roses which he does every Thursday as it is already.” She said looking at him, and for a split second saw a flicker she remembered from long ago that always made her smile.
“I’m sorry, obviously I didn’t think. Clarissa,” he said uneasily as he opened the door, “Can I please, finally explain my side of things from all those years ago?”
She took an uneasy breath as she looked up at her taller counterpart, “Derek, the past is the past. Why dig it up even more then we already have.”
“Because Issa, I never got over you!” He said in a heated moment, afraid to let her slip away.
“What? What?” She asked repeating herself.
Derek pulled her into his apartment and closed his door. “The first things that I unpacked yesterday were everything I still had from you. The poems and letters you wrote me, the bracelet you made me when we first got together, and some other things I had that reminded me of you.”
“You don’t still have my purple bra do you?” She asked slightly freaked out.
He laughed, “No, don’t worry I don’t still have that. Issa, none of that matters though. What matters is, I fell in love with you then, that month we were together I fell for you hard, seeing you with those other guys that year killed me. Thinking about you and Paul together kills me, even now. I know its been years but how I felt for you then is exactly how I still feel for you now. Taking care of you last night made me realize that I thought I was over you, but that I really wasn’t and never could be.”
She ran her hands through her loose hair and then looked up at him, “Damn it Derek! We’re not the same people we were then. I know I’m not.”
Derek moved closer to her and put his hands on her upper arms and looked into her chocolate brown eyes and smiled, “You might not be on the surface but in your heart, your soul, you are. You are the woman that I met that September evening when I was drunk, you are the woman who was so interesting to me. You’re the woman that when you dumped me I couldn’t talk to. Why do you think I wouldn’t show up then, because I was afraid Issa. I might not be the skater boy I once was, but I hope I’m the man you could be with, the man you could have children with.”
Clarissa shook her head, “Derek! Will you please listen to me? We ended years ago, I moved on and so did you. You’re the one who was making out with that one chick less then a week after we broke up. I at least waited a few weeks before going on to someone new. Hell I didn’t even hook up with Mike until after I hooked up with Jerry, and let me just say that both of those relationships were a hell of a lot less stressful then being with you was. At least with Jerry and Mike I didn’t have to worry about them being pulled into someone else’s room as we walked down the hallway. Then again when I was with Jerry, most of our time was spent in his apartment in the Anasazi’s. And with Mike, well at that point you became invisible.”
“Issa, can you honestly tell me that Jerry, and Mike, and even Paul made you feel as happy as I did?” he asked as he let one of his hands reach up and brush the hair away from her eyes.
“Happiness comes in many different degrees Derek, I was happy with all of you. Except with you, I had to fight for your attention. Do you really think I liked being upset all the time? Do you know how much that hurt every time you left like that? Derek, all I wanted was for us to have five minutes alone together. Yet looking back at our relationship now, everything happened for the best. Us breaking up was better for both of us in the long run. Also if we had gotten time alone together, we might have done something really stupid like have sex, and neither of us were ready to be together that way, at least not with each other.”
“Are you telling me your not a virgin?” he asked.
She rolled her eyes, “Yeah that’s been gone since Jerry. That’s not why I stopped us that Valentines night. I stopped us because I was still in love with you. I didn’t want us to sleep together and then have it be a one night stand.”
“Issa,” he said pulling her closer to him, “We would’ve gotten back together if you had let me back into your life.”
“Yeah well, I was too afraid to let you back into my life. I then went and had a great relationship with Mike, that lasted until I moved to Dallas.” She said feeling her heart racing as she could smell the fresh scent Derek had, the same scent from college.
“If Mike were to walk back into your life, would it cause the stir I did?” he asked, still holding her close to him.
“Honestly, no Mike wouldn’t cause this kind of stir. Only you would, only you drive me as crazy as you could be humanly possible. Only you seem to be able to distract me from life. Only you seem to be able to make me have to remind myself I’m engaged to get married to someone other then you.”
* * *
PART 15
Derek and Issa are in Jack and Carter’s room. Carter is playing on his computer Nadine is curling up under Carter’s cover’s, as Derek is standing near Issa who’s sitting on Jack’s bed. The conversation in the room is completely meaningless and then Nadine goes, “Can’t you just see these two married.”
Issa freezes and looked at Nadine before looking at Derek, “What?” she asked.
“I can just see the two of you married.” Nadine said.
“But why?” Issa insisted on finding out why.
“Just something about you two, I just see it.” Nadine replied and then realized it was time to drop this topic.
* * *
PART 16
Derek smiled and leaned down and then kissed Clarissa on the lips. His arms embraced her tightly and his lips fluttered over hers like a butterfly. Clarissa responded to the kiss, even deepening it for a moment before pulling her body away from him and looking at him sadly.
“I’m marrying Paul, Derek we couldn’t last a month, what in the world makes you think we could last a lifetime?” She asked before crossing her arms and looking down at the olive green carpet.
“The simple fact that our history still gets to you. You can’t listen to Sk8er Boi, without thinking about me. The fact that you kissed me back! Also the fact that you told me last night you never wanted us to break up.” He said throwing her drunken comment back in her face.
Just before Clarissa could say anything else the door to Derek’s apartment opened and Paul walked in. He looked at his fiancée and best friend, “What’s this about you two breaking up?”
Clarissa looked at Derek and then back to Paul, “The man that broke my heart in college, the stupid skater boy. Well Paul, it was your best buddy Derek here. I had no idea he was your best friend, other wise I would’ve told you forever ago. I honestly never anticipated seeing him again, and last night I went with my first instinct which was to pretend I had no idea who he was. To pretend he was basically invisible which is how I dealt with him for the rest of my college career.”
Paul looked at Derek, “How could you have let Clarissa go—wait, she’s Issa? The girl you told me if you ever had a chance to be with again, you would find away. What did I just walk in on?”
“I kissed her Paul.” Derek confessed, ready to let things stay at just that.
“You kissed my fiancée?” Paul asked, the shock and rage vibrating in his voice.
“I kissed him back though Paul. I’m sorry, I don’t really know what’s going on but I do know I need to leave.” She said making a life changing decision all at once, and in a heated passionate moment where everything mattered and everything could change.
“I’ll come over after I kick Derek’s ass.” Paul said.
“No, Paul I mean I need to leave Boulder, and I need to leave Colorado. I need to leave you, both of you.” She said as she took off her engagement ring and opened Paul’s hand placing it inside. “I’m sorry but this is how it has to be.”
“You can’t just walk away Issa!” Derek said looking at her.
“Who say’s I’m walking away. Maybe I’m walking towards something better.” She said before going to the door and leaving.
* * *
PART 17
Clarissa sat in the airport terminal, waiting for her late night flight. She had called the television station and said she needed to go out of town on an emergency. She let all her Elsie Jane consultants know she would be gone for an unexpected amount of time but would be in contact soon. She had packed two large suitcases, a duffle bag, and of course a make-up case which would be used as her carry on piece.
“Flight 2376 for Paris France will begin boarding in a few moments.” Came an announcement over the loudspeaker.
Issa stood up and brushed off her jeans and black sweater before applying a coat of lip-gloss. As she put her gloss away she felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned and looked up.
“You came, how—how did you know I would be here?” She asked as she looked up at him, trying to hide the smile on her face.
“You once told me you took French in high school and college, because you wanted to live there for a year. So when you walked out and left I called to see when the next reasonable flight to Paris was.” He told her as he flashed a plane ticket in front of her, “But I hope you accept the idea of me going to Paris to.”
“I, I think I can do that.” She said, before he smiled and then kissed her.
“Flight 2376 is now boarding rows 32 to 26.” Came over the loudspeaker, as they began to be lost in a new world together.
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